“You could begin with happy.”
“I am.”
“You don’t look happy.”
“I look confused.”
“That too.”
He laughed suddenly.
Then covered his face.
Adeline’s expression softened.
Nathaniel’s shoulders began shaking.
He was crying.
Again.
More than once in a lifetime now.
Adeline approached.
“Nathaniel.”
He lowered his hands.
“The doctor said…”
“I know.”
“I built my whole life around that sentence.”
“I know.”
“I thought…”
Adeline touched his chest.
“Probably is not never.”
He looked at her.
The words struck.
Probably.
He had forgotten.
Or chosen to forget.
The physician had said likely.
Nathaniel had built eleven years of certainty around probability.
Adeline smiled.
“You may have spent years grieving something that wasn’t entirely gone.”
Nathaniel stared toward the house.
Clara was inside drawing on the table.
He looked back.
“Does this change anything?”
Adeline frowned.
“What?”
“With Clara.”
Her eyes softened.
“No.”
Nathaniel’s voice cracked.
“I don’t want her to ever think…”
“She won’t.”
“What if I feel different?”
Adeline stared.
“You’re afraid you’ll love your biological child more.”
“Yes.”
The honesty hurt him.
Adeline took his hands.
“You might love them differently.”
Nathaniel looked frightened.
She continued.
“Different is not less.”
“Clara made you a father.”
“This baby will not arrive in an empty place.”
“It arrives where Clara already taught your heart what to do.”
Nathaniel looked toward the window.
Clara pressed her face against the glass.
Watching.
Nathaniel smiled through tears.
Then opened the door.
Clara shouted:
“Why are you crying?”
Nathaniel entered.
“Your mother caused trouble.”
Adeline gasped.
“Nathaniel!”
Clara looked delighted.
“What trouble?”
Nathaniel lifted her.
“You’re going to be a sister.”
Clara froze.
Then screamed so loudly Ben heard from the barn.
The second pregnancy was harder.
Adeline was older.
Extremely heavy.
The doctor worried.
Nathaniel became unbearable again.
Adeline threatened murder twice.
Clara took her mother’s side.
Their son was born healthy.
They named him Samuel Nathan Cole.
Nathaniel suggested Samuel.
Adeline cried.
Margaret Price cried harder when she heard.
Clara announced she would call him Sam because Samuel was too long.
Nathaniel objected.
Lost.
Holding Samuel was different.
Adeline had been right.
Different.
Not more.
Nathaniel studied the tiny face searching for himself.
Maybe nose.
Maybe eyes.
Then Clara climbed beside him.
“Do you like him?”
“Yes.”