I said, “Ted, I am a retired biology teacher. I grow vegetables and fruit in my backyard. None of them are toxic.”
Ted said, “What about the red fruits near the fence? Gary described them as—”
I said, “Carolina Reaper peppers. They are legal to grow. They are available at garden centers. They are not toxic. They are, however, extremely hot, and eating one without knowing what you are eating is an unpleasant experience.”
Silence.
Ted said, “Gary says he picked them thinking they were on the boundary or in a common area.”
I said, “Ted, I have a property survey, a trail camera with time-stamped photographs, and a neighbor witness. My plants are entirely within my property line. Gary accessed them by climbing a step ladder and reaching over my six-foot privacy fence. I have this on camera.”
A longer silence.
Ted said, “You have it on camera.”
I said, “I have been having fruit stolen from my garden for five years, Ted. I mounted a trail camera. I have Gary Hutchins on video at 11:20 p.m. harvesting peaches from my peach tree over the fence. I also have him on camera on August 9th collecting what appeared to be fruits from my raised bed. Again over the fence. Again without my permission.”
Ted said, “Oh.”
I said, “I’m happy to share the footage with the board at your next meeting. I think it will be clarifying.”
Ted said, “Yes. I think it will.”
He paused.
He said, “I have to ask—did you grow those peppers specifically near that fence because of the theft situation?”
I said, “Ted, I grow what I choose to grow in my garden. I have a particular interest in unusual pepper varieties. Carolina Reapers are a legitimate horticultural achievement, and I find them fascinating from a botanical standpoint.”
He said, “That’s not exactly an answer.”
I said, “No, it’s not.”
He was quiet for a moment.
Then he made a sound that might, if you were being generous, be described as a suppressed laugh.
He said, “I’ll see you at the meeting.”
The HOA meeting.
The monthly HOA meeting was three weeks later. I arrived early. Frances came with me. She had printed on her home printer a photograph of a Carolina Reaper pepper with the Scoville rating printed underneath, which she intended to use as a visual aid if the situation called for it. I told her that was possibly unnecessary. She said she would keep it in her purse just in case.