“You were making it easier for yourself.”
“Yes.”
That was the first answer all day that helped.
Not because it reduced the betrayal.
Because it was clean.
No defense.
No fog.
Yes.
I leaned back.
“Did you love him?”
She looked down.
“I thought I did.”
My chest tightened.
“Thought?”
“He wanted me to leave.”
“So did you.”
“I told him I might.”
“Why?”
“Because being with him felt easy.”
I laughed.
“Of course.”
She looked up.
“What?”
“You met him in hotels.”
My voice stayed calm.
“No bills.”
“No laundry.”
“No leaking faucet.”
“No grocery lists.”
“No family responsibilities.”
She stared.
“You built a relationship entirely outside reality and then compared it to marriage.”
Her face collapsed.
“I know.”
“Stop.”
She nodded.
I continued.
“Did you talk about me?”
“Yes.”
“What did you say?”
She hesitated.
“Tell me.”
“That you were distant.”
“True.”
“That you worked too much.”
“True.”
“That you stopped noticing me.”
I swallowed.
“Maybe true.”
“That we hadn’t been close.”
I looked at her.
“We were intimate.”
“I mean emotionally.”
I nodded.
“Fair.”
She looked surprised.
I continued.
“Anything else?”
“That you cared more about stability than happiness.”
That one landed.
Maybe because I had heard something similar before.
From her.
From myself.
I had spent years believing being a good husband meant providing.
Mortgage paid.
Cars maintained.
Vacations booked.
Retirement funded.
Problems solved.
I was good at useful love.
I was less skilled at emotional presence.
That was mine.
I wrote it down.
She watched.
“What?”
“I’m noting what I did wrong.”
She started crying harder.
“Why?”
“Because I need to separate it.”
“Separate what?”
“My failures from your affair.”
She stared.
“I can own being emotionally absent.”
I pointed toward the list.
“But I am not owning these dates.”
She nodded slowly.
“You understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
I continued.
“Did he know you were married?”
“Yes.”
“Did he meet me?”
“No.”
“Did he know my name?”
“Yes.”
“Did you show him pictures?”
She looked away.
“Yes.”
“Of us?”
“Yes.”
I closed my eyes.
Some questions only hurt.
I had been warned by the attorney not to ask things I did not need.