SERVICE PURGE AVAILABLE.
The Homeowner stared.
He did not activate anything.
No reason to turn a stupid confrontation into a dangerous one.
Instead, he called emergency services.
“I have an intruder on my roof.”
The HOA President shouted down.
“I am not an intruder!”
The dispatcher heard her.
The Homeowner continued.
“She entered without permission and poured animal waste into the chimney.”
The dispatcher asked whether she had any weapons.
“No.”
“Is anyone injured?”
“No.”
“Do not climb the ladder.”
“I wasn’t planning to.”
The HOA President looked furious.
“You called police?”
“Yes.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“You’re on my roof.”
“I am the association president.”
“You say that like it gives you wings.”
She pointed.
“You are exactly why this neighborhood needs stronger enforcement.”
The Homeowner almost replied.
Then heard sirens.
Not one.
Several.
Much faster than expected.
The HOA President heard them too.
Her expression changed.
“What did you tell them?”
“The truth.”
“That’s impossible.”
The Homeowner frowned.
“What?”
She looked toward the street.
Then at the bucket.
The sirens grew louder.
A fire department command SUV turned onto the block.
Behind it came a police cruiser.
Then another vehicle marked FIRE MARSHAL.
The Homeowner stared.
He had expected patrol officers.
Not that.
The HOA President stared too.
“What is this?”
The first cruiser stopped.
Two officers stepped out.
The Fire Marshal followed.
Tall man in his fifties wearing a heavy navy winter jacket and helmet.
He looked upward.
Saw the woman on the roof.
Saw the bucket.
Then looked toward the Homeowner.
“Sir?”
The Homeowner walked toward him.
“She climbed up without permission.”
“Poured that into the chimney.”
The Fire Marshal’s eyes narrowed.
“What is it?”
“Pig manure, according to her.”
The Fire Marshal looked up.
The HOA President immediately called down.
“This is an HOA code matter.”
He ignored the comment.
“Ma’am, do not move.”
She stiffened.
“Excuse me?”
“Roof is snow covered.”
“Stay exactly where you are until we secure the ladder.”
The officers moved toward the house.
One stabilized the ladder.
The Fire Marshal spoke to the Homeowner.
“Any fire burning?”
“Not currently.”
“Furnace?”
“Separate.”
“Wood stove connected to that flue?”
“Yes.”
“When was it last used?”
“Last night.”
“Do not light it.”
“I figured.”
The Marshal nodded.
Then pointed toward the house.
“Anybody else inside?”
“No.”